Zeal

These are the last days of my college and my learning is on extreme [ ;) ] . The most different task I find is how to control my mind. I was in jeopardy when strange things come into my mind and ruin my work. Well, I want to categorize them and write my experience. So this is all about how it occurs.

The first thing I want to ask myself, am I a nostalgic person. So whenever I say yes, I also talk what's wrong in that. An energy resides there and it's up to me how I use it. In fact we are a source of an energy.. that has a flow. This flow continues whatever is cooking in our mind. A fact I find is the amplitude is always the same.
Sometimes your affection is caused by the vagueness of your own future. Suppose you are at something and at the moment you don't know what you will be doing next moment, you feel yourself attached to the current. It's all in our mind.
We talk about our dreams, success, our opportunities .. all these are some parameters of our own mind. It all resides in us, it's a part of us. Default mode of our mind is set to 'distracted'. We often have so many alternative those seem pretty intriguing. Our mind capabilities are extreme, once we stretch to a new limit it becomes easier for us to go further.

I often fight with myself to arrange disarranged things in my mind. Our mind is messy, this is what we get, if everything is already arranged one is not going to survive. It's like a puzzle that is almost similar to everyone but varies from person to person how one tends to solve. If you want to feel that energy, make yourself sure that you are towards solving your puzzle. So, is it really a problem .. nah .. here comes acceptance.
Just think of your dedication, how smooth it has been and how you devote yourself, is it causing problems for your own development. Are you running away from your own devotion, either the devotion or your ignorance is the sole cause of your deprecation. Problem starts when you tend to forget your own identity in your devotion. Our failures start telling us that we are betrayed, so are we going to kick them with our wrath or by neglecting them.. these are the symptoms of next start of another problem. A gentle solution is in being nice to your failures, simply losing never tell us that we are losers.. in fact they tell us 'how' we lost. So acceptance is a solution.

The most important thing that worked for me some days ago was being honest to myself. If you are running away of a certain thing that always bothers you accept it to your heart and say that acceptance aloud when you are caught with the same trap again. Facts are facts, whenever we deny them they come out with more vividness next time. You wont believe but I am pretty sure that every one consider oneself abnormal in some sense as I do.. and i think that some problems are specifically made for me.
Well, we work on a priority base, unconsciously we do have a tentative list of priorities. Our acceptance gonna make us strong to fight with those priorities.One more thing that I feel vigorously that being monotonous will be the biggest threat I am going to face in my life :P .. monotonousness is not the stability it's the saturation. The only stability we can find is in the change.

It often happens when I deny myself, is it a need ....or something else ? The most hard task I find is to keep stuffs simple and stupid.

I m running and running.. whenever I stop implications are more heavier than the cause.
You find the thing interesting when it seems acquainted. You want to yell on others see .. this is what i know. But life is not like that.
I ask myself is this the triumph of my life as I feel my existence in front of this screen. My surrounding deny myself .. for my surprise they put the fact that I am just a dead operator and even this screen is a more living stuff.
I suspect that I merge myself with the dead part. Do you want to let another know that this is the expertise.... well, who knows .. it is a parameter which is very valuable to you .. but no matter at all because another one is using another function that doesn't accept parameters at all !

My storm culminating into the big question where is the happiness.. I asked myself .. some answers came : emmm .. when I wrote a stable code snippet that do something , or the geeky story when i made the stuff working.
This is what I did when it was the need. My need demands work that requires skill set .. I do the job, if not able then make myself and when it completes... I feel calm.. but letting my living my part to this dead stuff is only a mean to raise my problem of denying myself. This is what I do.
And of course it may be the cause of my ego set and more problems. Ok .. what when I keep it continue ..saturation comes and I cry .. what the hell I am doing .. where is my happiness !

So I am a stupid :)

Whole wrongs have been done only right ones are remaining. The thing is to accept yourself if you say yourself stupid then done as it is a parameter the use of this parameter depends on the function body .. and this body is in ur hand write n execute whatever u want. Live up !!

Cheers!!