Let me be honest

I have always wondered what should be written on a personal blog. As it happens with us all when we grow up we look around and learn, believing that you have to say something, how to say is also a look and learn process, because when you are talking with yourself it is ok, but when we have to make other people understand we need to pick a model which is universal. Weblogs are rightly done, but it is quite rare to see people around you in your normal life writing, blogs and writing keep the same sense as blogs are more expressive, unfortunately social streams are more reaction based and kills the urge of exploring a thought either in 140 characters or just with one like. We can solve a real problem or we can write down one solution and make people believe that they have some problem.

Well, an idea of keeping an idea in a written manner was so compelling to me when I was growing up that I wanted to have a note keeping diary. I had many and they look like a trivial thought patterns one child can have from here but there were something I wanted to write, but I was afraid what if somebody else would read this so I never wrote one, although I kept an diary and rewrote poems from child magazines which carried similar thoughts. At this point it seems to me that same has happened with my blog.

I have always been divided among many identities what should I consider myself, later I discovered that those things were not mine in the way I think of them, they have been given to me. I loved to program, but at some point I also wanted to think about things which we don't understand clearly like who we are, from where we are, why we die, what is the purpose of everything but I discouraged myself thinking about these things. I programmed in C for three years, but just because it was an impression of mainstream I believed that web frameworks are the real computing. Later on when I was working on my web startup I encountered many personalities and their open voice, I have always been wondered what sort of boost they have, they were so expressive at whatever they had in their mind, they are so streamlined in what they do, I started feeling small. Being as a backend developer it started rooting in my mind that until you show that you are a technical person you are not a technical person. Indeed it happens all the time, we always carry a thought that defines a projection of superior level and we always carry that, we empathize, we behave in that way as it is supposed and has lot to do with our identity, dignity and ego of being someone.

Sometimes this leads me to think that we are being driven. For example if I am given with a computer with any programming language I would just code my techniques and thoughts. Deployment problems, compatibility issues, distribution challenges, packaging these are not my problems when I am doing that, even if they are I am not bound to think about them at such early stage. You may get an impression that to get with industry standards you have to have in mainstream, but I am not talking about that point, I am talking about that part of work which is play for all of us, the creative work we do for our inner satisfaction and may be sometimes which has less to do with other things we do for our living, our own sandbox, is it polluted or what.

So how does this what to write on blog problem relates with this, I have always wondered what to write so that I can look like that I am in mainstream. As usual I have my own observations, my own way of doing things, but why I don't write about them, may be it is not that much appealing as it would be if I explain how to write a Bayesian classifier in python or how to solve a Rubik's cube. Even if I want to write about that I know that more efficient things can be reached out just by googling these keywords, so nobody cares and then finally I resist and eventually I give up. It is just an observation I won't put a label on this, it is just what happens, but fortunately not this time.

It's a lesson to be what I am, to think what I can think without any obligation or any prejudice, we are not here to impress people we are here to learn what we can do with ourselves and do that with a no-mind approach. Now this is not something which is a mainstream motivating cliche, this is an obvious fact but so hard to understand that even while reading this you can misinterpret it if you are bringing in your own perceptions. I had hard lessons about what happens when you think inferior about you, it doesn't matter what you are creating, where you are creating, it is good enough or not, or you don't know that much, the thing which is important is creation and creation with being honest to yourself. If something comes obvious to us, we don't need to be reserve about it, we need to think more about it and discover how to explore it further.